By Your Side!

hello!!! :)

So its totally been a while! I haven't blogged all summer! Which kinda sucks but its ok cuz my summer kinda sucked so if i were to write a blog about a sucky summer then that would just make a sucky blog! you get where I'm going.... anyways

Lately I've been dealing with some things. Like I've been feeling unwanted by my family and my friends here in Evansville. And from this unwanted feeling I'm feeling pretty lonely. I know I'm not unwanted but some of the small things that come up are just floating around in my head, and I'm just thinking way too much. A reason i have been feeling unwanted from my family is that I haven't gotten a chance to hang or even see my dad from a good period of time all summer. He's working A LOT and I never get a chance to see him. And i just feel like he's not even making an effort to see me or even call me. But HOPEFULLY next weekend i will be able to go to Indy with my dad to help fix my aunts house up there. He'll be working but at least I'll get a chance to actually spend a weekend with him. Which is really exciting.

But I know i shouldn't feel his way a lot!!! I know its he devil trying to get to me. He knows loneliness is were I'm most vulnerable. But I always give into this lie. But something has helped me... I heard this song on the radio and it just spoke to me. Its called "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North and its amazing. Its like God is speaking to me and its just rockin!! here's the lyrics.....

Why are you striving these days
Why are trying to earn grace
Why are crying let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for Love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at this hands and my side
They swallow the grave of that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I wanna give you life!

Those lyrics are just so moving to me, i absolutely love his song. I recommend if any of you are feeling lonely or unwanted by people listen to this song. its like God is talking directly to me!

Forever God is Faithful

So most of you know about how this summer is not going to work out for me. Yep, i will not get to work with those kids or work at my church. I emailed my Children's pastor Carol about when I should start and any detail i need to know before i get back and she responded and said that it's no going to work out this summer. I have mixed emotions about this...

I'm so dissappointed that this didn't work out. I was really looking forward ot this. Yesterday I was so angry. Angry at everything, i didn't want to talk to anyone really. But Micah (my awesome mentor) called me, we talked for a good hour or so about this. She encouraged me soo much! I'm so glad i talked to her. She was telling me that this is a good learning experience for me. Since im giong into ministry and i would love to work in a church someday, and this experience showed me to try and go through and not get peoples hopes up, with whatever i'm going to be doing. (that sounds very vague but here we are). Basically when i say im going to do something i know that people will be counting on me and this experience will encourage me to go through with it. I love micah and her wisdom!! :)

So I have no idea what im going to do this summer only God know whats in store for me now! This excites me but yet scares me. I'm the kind of person that needs to know stuff ahead of time. I know God has something awesome for me this summer it just hard to realize this sometimes. Tonight I went to My Pastors house for a college bible study and we sang Forever. I really spoke to me here are the lyrics....

Give thanks to the Lord, Our God and King
His love endures forever
For He is good, He is above all things
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise

With a mighty hand and outstretched arm
His love endures forever
For the life that's been reborn
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
Sing praise, sing praise

Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever and ever, forever

From the rising to the setting sun
His love endures forever
And by the grace of God we will carry on
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise Sing praise, sing praise

I know God has something planned for me this summer because He is faithful, forever!!!! If he gives me a job or not it'll be His will and and he WILL be faithful!!!!
And my wonderful dear friend Emily really encouraged me too with this awesome verse....

Psalm 37:23-24--"If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand."

This is soo true I just also need to be faithful toGod and once I find out what i'm supposed to do this summer I will let you all know Thanks :)

SUMMER!!!! :)

It's been a while since I've posted a blog. I've been swamped with homework and other things. This past month has just been hectic, it's this month looks about the same. But i like being busy. It makes me feel good. But anyway this summer....

I'm soo pumped for this summer!!! I'm so blessed! I will be working at my church back home. My church is doing a childrens camp. It's going to be called "kids kamp" (HOW FUN IS THAT!!!) But The kids will come from our church and kids around the neighborhood. They will have kids from 1st grade to 5th grade!!! And they wanted ME to be their Activites Coordinator!!! I'm super blessed!! To have a full time job at home and even in my home church!!! and the best part is... I'm getting PAID! :D

I think it will be great to be home for the summer. I know in the summers to come i wont be in evansville so this is good! Also going home this past weekend was good but i felt kinda bad for going back to BG. My friend back home kinda gave me the gulit trip about leaving. Shes been going through a rough time and shes changed soo much the last time i saw her. She was telling me "It's because your gone i'm like this. " I know that it isn't my fault but she really made me feel bad. But i's somewhat true. Since i've been gone i havn't invested in her as much as i did then. Lately i have. But just talking on facebook chat, texting and some talking on the phone is honestly not enough to get through to this girl. So i'm hoping this summer will be good for her and me. Hopefully i can make her realize that she doesn't need me as much as she thinks she does. lol. That sounds really bad. anyway off of that depressing situation.

Today I just feel really good!! I don't know why because stuff is starting to pile on me again and i've just been thinking about things way to much. But in a way I do know why.... JESUS! :D
But seriously it's like the song "You are my Joy" i love this song...


And He set me on fire, and I am burning alive.
With His breath in my lungs I am coming undone.
And he set me on fire and I am burning alive.
With his breath in my lungs I am coming undone.
And I cannot hold it in
Remain composed.
Love's taken over me
So I propose the letting myself go.
I am letting myself go.

You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.

Passing the Test

This past Sunday I was going to try and go to First Baptist (see 1st blog) but something happened. i didn't go because I would just be too distracted. Now i know what your thinking... "what the heck are you talking about" well this guy i know goes to that church and he even asked me for a ride and everything. And he is just too cute! lol I cant really believe I'm putting this on here but he's basically gorgeous! lol :D So anyway i decided not to go because I would just be too distracted by his beautiful face! XD

ANYWAY now I'm very embarrassed by putting that... I went to Hillvue on Sunday and i LOVED it. But i did miss Living Hope a lot! The pastor was hilarious! but what he talked about was just fantastic and what i needed to hear. He was talking bout being tested and us prevailing over testing. How God gives us ridiculous requests, like Abraham sacrifices his son Issac. We read this today and think "Are you serious God, that Abraham only son and you want him to do Whhhat??" It might seem ridiculous to us but not to God. He knows what he is doing when he is testing us. And that's SO encouraging to know. The pastor said that God never gives us anything we can't handle. he also said something really cool that i wrote down "Know the tester and pass the test!" That's so true! I pass the test that God gives you, you've got know Him and be in His word!

This week has been so fantastic already and its Tuesday! I've so much joy in my life right now its great. God has blessed me a lot and i know that sometime soon I will be tested and hopefully I'll be ready. And its funny it's almost like I'm studying for the big exam coming up. lol! But really... I'm praying and in the word and talking with Him. It's like studying! oooo i just came up with that lil metaphor just now!!!! It's such a God thing! :D

Anyway i really could go on and on about this but I'll end it here. So tonight will be the first I'm i get to sing with the praise at 180! I'm nervous but kinda excited. I'm also a little bit scared. Scared because i don't want to this to be about me or the band. I don't want to be worried if it sounded good. Usually i am. I hate that. I hate it when i worry about little things like that. I shouldn't because I'll be worshiping God and helping other too. so there is nothing really to worry about because God doesn't care if you hit the right notes when your singing to Him. I'm so glad he don't care! :)

Misson Arlington

So this week has just been soo stressful. Hebrew has been kicking my butt. I'm getting so stressed that i feel sick. I had a fever the other night. This semester in Hebrew is almost too stressful for me. But I've been reminded of the verse that is totally awesome but sometime i take it for granite. Phil 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength I need" This verse has been so encouraging this week. Also many for my great friends have encouraged me this week.


But what was even more encouraging i guess you can say was tonight during the spring break mission trip meeting. Arlington TX is the place God wants me this spring break. I could tell right when we started talking about it. I just got this fire of excitement in me. I felt like i was going to explode with goodness or something. She was talking about what we will be doing throughout the week. We leave in a month and i just feel like thats too long! lol

Well the weekend is soo here! And gorgeous weather too!! I love it. I makes me want to just drive with the windows down and blast my music. Too bad im low on gas and also on money! :(lol it happens. This week has just been cold and gloomy and just plan bad. I had a terrible week. I think this beautiful weather is God saying... hey its going to get better!!! And this makes me soo happy because right now i need this. My classes alone are stressful enough. but God is saying to me that its going to get better. Like the weather. I love weather! :D

Finding out where God wants me to be.

Well this is my first blog in a long time. I dont think i've blog since middle school. And back then i just wrote about stupid stuff that a middle school teenage girl wouild write about. I really want this blog to be more mature and meaningful. Not only to me but to anyone who reads it. Well to start off with my random ramblings something has been bothering me lately...

It's kinda werid but latley i havnt felt like Living Hope is where im supposed to be. It feels like that is not home. (well of course its not home) But lately it doesnt feel likie my home church here in Bowling Green. Last semester i loved being at Living Hope. I loved the people the atmosphere and just everything about it. Dont get me wrong, I still love being at Living Hope and still do love the people, i've made some really great friends since i've been going to Living Hope. I even joined the church. I am now under their watchcare. Fell in love with their choir. But today at church it just felt werid, like I wasnt supposed to be there. I feels to routine for me there.

I talked to one of my dear friend emily today and she had a lovely way of putting this situation. she said that I just need to check out different churches. A change of routine. If i go to other churches I can see where God really wants me. Even if it is Living Hope. I'll see how much i do love living hope. So i've decided to try out First Baptist Church this next sunday. I've heard from some people that its a really good church. It might look big and intimadating butits really not that way. So i'm going to check it out for myself with another one of my dear friends Becky!
And it's been weird because lately everywhere this week i've been hear stuff about First Baptist. Like the church that was at dollar lunch was First Baptist, people that i've talked to this week have been talking about it, and regressive dinner is going to be at First Baptist so i feel that God is says HEY CHECK OUT FIRST BAPTIST! lol So i am! :)

Anyways i just really hope that I find out where God wants me to be. And thats all i wantt ot do with my life is to do Gods will!